I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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