I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
