She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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