Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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