i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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