Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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