he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
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It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
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I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
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