Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
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I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
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My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize