Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
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Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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