Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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