This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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