Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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