DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
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My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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