Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize