then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
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Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
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We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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