Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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