kristin has been a bad kristin
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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