you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
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I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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