I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
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Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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