The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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