Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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