I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
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For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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