im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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