I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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