I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
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he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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