My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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