The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
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YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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