4 words: hood of his car
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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