Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
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bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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