whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
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You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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