checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
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I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize