Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize