Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize