For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
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the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
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Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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