Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
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If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
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The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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