Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
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Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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