Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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