Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
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Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize