How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
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i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
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I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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