here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize