Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
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I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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