does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
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If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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