Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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