my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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