She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
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Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
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for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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