Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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