So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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