I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We have started to decorate penises.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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