I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize