god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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