He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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